So for the past couple of weeks, I've been struggling to write on a couple of topics and trying to figure out why it was so hard to write about clean eating and living a healthy lifestyle. It felt like I was going through writer's block, but I knew something else was amiss and kept me from publishing new posts. One day last week at work, I came to the conclusion that I couldn't write about a healthy lifestyle because I wasn't truly living it. At least not by my standards. I felt like I was losing control over my eating habits when I wasn't at home, which is a lot. Even though my workout habits hadn't changed, they started to feel like a chore. I was still eating right at home, but eating out the house started to become my downfall. Luckily, my clothes hadn't gotten tighter and my weight hadn't gone up on the scale. However I knew if I didn't stop, that would begin to happen. Hmm, I'm sure I even started seeing a loss of muscle definition too..maybe.
For the record, I work in a restaurant where I get a free meal per shift. I'm fully aware of the nutritional information and still chose to eat the bad foods over good ones. I chose the bread sticks, pastas, wraps and thick creamy sauces over salads and soups. If I went to a baseball game, I chose to eat sausages on pretzel rolls with crab dip on top and crab dip waffle fries. I chose the cheesesteaks, pancakes, bacon and burgers over the lighter and healthier options on the menu. One cheat meal became one cheat day, which became one cheat week, which became a cheat month.
At home? I'm about my eggs, tomatoes, kale, spinach, homemade peanut butter, bananas, and Greek yogurt. I'm all about my homemade meals made with fruits and veggies from my mom's garden. I measure my portion sizes to make sure I don't overeat. It started to feel like I was one person at home and another in public.
So, for the past week, I've been trying figure out what triggers my impulses to eat badly in public. Why can't I seem to control myself? What steps do I have to take to get back to the point where I can say "no" to certain foods and choose healthier ones? Why is it so easy to eat clean at home but extremely hard in public?
I'll start with the easiest question to answer: Why it's easier to eat clean at home but harder in public.
- At home, my mom and I grow most of our own produce. We grow tomatoes, lettuce, kale, cabbage, squash, zucchini, fresh herbs and a bunch of other things. So, when we go grocery shopping, the main things we buy are meat, eggs, some fruits, bread, and grains. We rarely have any junk food in the house. I think the worst thing in our kitchen is our vegetable oil and my mom's homemade ice cream (which is way healthier than any store bought ice cream). By having a clean kitchen at home, I put myself in a great position to succeed when it comes to eating clean foods.
- I firmly believed that by eating most of meals at home, I was less inclined to eat badly in public because my body wasn't used to junk food. I felt better eating clean foods at home. I felt more energetic, my mind was clearer, and felt like I was truly in control of myself and my choices.
To answer the other questions, I took small steps to get where I used to be. I looked at old progress photos, pictures of meals I've made, and looked at the progress the ladies in my support group have made for inspiration. I went back to cooking on a fairly regular basis to keep myself from eating out. And, not only did I go back to making my favorite foods, I started creating new recipes. At work, I started saying no to certain ingredients and fell back on eating too many bread sticks (I still have one every now and then). I switched up my workouts by playing different music and got my mom to run a 5k with me. I used my original methods of losing weight and eating clean to create new ways of making health and fitness fun again.
Then I remembered why I started on this journey. Sure, my progress (to me) has been slower than others, but I'm happier than I've ever been. Health and fitness became my life, hell, they ARE my life. That's the person I am now, and for about six weeks, it felt like I lost that person. But I've fought my way back and now I'm working on being better.
It's times like these when it's important to remember why you started something in the first place. It's times like these when I'm glad I created this blog to describe how I'm feeling about my weight loss journey. As I said in another post, making the transition to a healthy lifestyle isn't easy nor is it supposed to be. It's a process where you get to know yourself. You try new things you've never tried before. You constantly push your limits to find out how strong you are. Of course there will be times where you have moments of weakness, skip workouts, and see your weight fluctuate up and down. But, you remember how much your hard work has paid off and you keep going. You never quit and stop trying to improve yourself. This is what getting fit and being happy and healthy is all about.
And it feels damn good to start to feel that way again.
Talk to you soon,
The Nubian Nerdy Fit Girl
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